Second Helpings
My favorite class in college was Meal Management (yes, that was really a class!). I learned how to set the table, plan a menu, and prepare food that was hot and ready to serve when my guests or family sat down. I got married right out of college, and there was very little money for throwing dinner parties, but I did the best I could. On those rare occasions, I usually baked potatoes and served them with different toppings, which was an inexpensive and delicious way of feeding my guests.
A couple years after I married I invited a couple from church to our house for dinner. They lived in a big house and I thought they were wealthy. They were actually very wealthy compared to me. Nervously, I cooked one of my favorite dishes from a Chinese cookbook I had received as a wedding present. It was beef with fermented black beans and rice. I didn’t know what fermented black beans were, so I just used black beans from a can. I used every cent I had to buy the ingredients. I set the table with my wedding china and served my guests the dish I had prepared all afternoon. The husband of the couple finished his plate and asked for another helping. When I told him I didn’t have any more to serve he looked at me like I had to be joking. I was so embarrassed, and that night I decided I would not invite friends over for dinner until I could afford enough food for two helpings. It was a long time until that happened.
When I look back on that time in my life, it saddens me that I felt so much pressure to present food that would impress. I have been to many countries around the world, including impoverished communities where people have invited me to their table and proudly shared their food me. We often didn’t have electricity or running water, but it was from them I learned that gathering around the dinner table is not just about the food. It’s more about being surrounded by people who enjoy conversation and common interests. The food is only secondary. It doesn’t matter if I’m eating lentils made in the home of a woman in India, or bread made in a small skillet in Rwanda. It’s about establishing a relationship with a new friend. Or an old friend.
It’s been many years since that night I couldn’t serve two helpings, and I’ve learned a lot more about cooking and entertaining. Although I can now afford to make more food, I try to focus on the real meaning of feeding my guests. My goal while bringing people together around my table is to create a community of friends, family and strangers to forge memories to last a lifetime. The food I prepare is nourishment and a means to start conversations with the stories the ingredients tell.
I’ve lost touch with the couple that sat at my table that night many years ago. I know they didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, and I’m thankful for the lessons I learned from them. I don’t expect second helpings when I’m invited to someone’s table, but I do expect to build relationships, whether temporary or lasting. And if I’m lucky I’ll get invited back, which is the best second helping I could ask for.
